I am Jack's throbbing chest cavity...

"I'm worried about you J"

I've been hearing that a lot lately. So many people have been telling me how depressed I am, and how worried they are. They all tell me that they know I won't do anything to hurt myself, but that it still worries/upsets them that I am so inexplicably unhappy. Honestly, I worry myself, but I won't bring myself to talk to Udono about it. I pull out everything and its mother to cover for the topic I can't bring myself to think about let alone speak about. I haven't the foggiest idea about what's going on. When people tell me they're worried, I smile and tell them all I appreciate their worrying but I'm fine, I'm just having an off day. Whatever I can say to make them go away.

Maybe I should make a happy list too. [Backstory: D-money had Preggo create a "happy list" during one of their sessions with a list of things she liked to do that she could do when she was feeling depressed. She had to do at least one item on the list every day, sometimes more if it was a bad day.] So I should make a happy list.

1. SmoothieBoy
2. L-Word
3. BBQ
4. Camp
5. Write
6. Sing
7. Take Pictures
8. Scrapbook
9. Paint
10. Clean
11. Blog
12. Take a Walk
13. Go to the Gym
14. Rock Out
15. Play With Katelyn Fiona
16. {add more activities here}
    

Look I'm doing at least two of those right now. Blogging and singing along to the melodies in my head [below].

I heart brackets. I really really really really really do. {Side Note: extra "really"s is a SmoothieBoy thing I do...} Brackets just make me really happy. Not to mention they really help me when I'm trying to right stuff because I'm so spacey sometimes I tell 15 different stories at the same time. Brackets help =} and they make great faces.

I'm thinking about dying my hair black again... like this..

but at the same time I'm trying to grow my hair out so I can be natural for the first time in....... 5 years.. =]

I should really work on my Personal Essay for Central.

I'm done being fat. I'm so done. I was looking back at pictures of me 3-5 years ago. I used to think I was fat. I was nothing then compared to what I am now. I need to get back to where I was at before. This attempt to stifle my feelings with food has got to end. I cannot live like this anymore.


Melodies in my mind::
[1] ..Face Down by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus..
[2] ..Graceland by The New Pornographers..
[3] ..Lying is the Most Fun a Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off by Panic! At The Disco..
[4] ..Rock Lobster by The B-52s..
[5] ..Memory by Sugarcult..
[6] ..Unguided by The New Pornographers..
[7] ..I Write Sins Not Tragedies by Panic! At The Disco..
[8] ..Love Shack by The B-52s..
[9] ..Failsafe by The New Pornographers..
[10] ..