I am Jack's Bake For Change bake sale sign..

SmoothieBoy and L-Word are over.. for sammiches and fun.. For some reason I seem to be lacking the latter. They keep interrupting me.. sometimes they remind me of kids..

I am Jack's fish 'n' chips stained shortpants.

smoothieboy and wolfboy are over. SmoothieBoy and I are playing scrabble... I love it. ^_^ I'll update on my weekend of activities tomorrow.

I am Jack's [blonde] terrorist hand bump.

Today.... I coloured my hair. I'm blonde..



Oh snap.

P.S. I heart Obama. I hope beyond hope he becomes the next president. The Mother and I are holding a bake sale in Puyallup the week after next to raise money for the Obama campaign. I cannot wait. I've been trying to figure out delicious treats to make for the cause. >.< I'm such a nerd.. *^_^*

Anyway.. I'm kinda tired. and I have my math final in the morning.

SmoothieBoy and I went to Puerto Vallarta today. The L-Word bailed numerous times today. Kinda peeved. and Preggo bailed to boink BabyDaddy. x.x

Night.

I am Jack's lonely abandoned ego.

I love my friends. Really I do. But today...


I hate them.

I'm so sick of doing tons of stuff for them and being there for them. Mrs. Reliable. Mrs. Responsible. Mrs. Punctual. And all I get in return, is bailed out on. Forced to wait without notice. Forced to sit here, not knowing what's going on, and just be hunky-dory about it. I'm sick of it. If I'm even a few minutes late [because of work or mom] I'm made to feel unbelievably guilty. But if they're late, I'm supposed to accept it.

Today was supposed to be a good day. It's noon and I'm already in tears. {expletive} this.

I am Jack's Ferris Bueller's Day Off

Today was the best day ever. SmoothieBoy and I decided last week to go to Seattle. So, we did. We kidnapped Preggo and took her along too. We went up to the Woodland Park Zoo and spent time in the rain with the animals. Then we made it to Ivar's. I've missed Ivar's. Mmmmm. After Ivar's we drove down to Pike Place Market and walked down to the waterfront. We gandered at Ye Ol' Curiosity Shoppe then headed back home. All and all, we had an amazing day. ^_^ I heart SmoothieBoy. We had such a blast.

I'm exhausted. I'll probably have more coherent things to write tomorrow.

Goodnight

I am Jack's longing for a religion..

I named my car today. My car's name is Shelby. The name came to me when I was trying to figure out how to explain what I saw to L-Word. I saw Shelby's doppleganger. It pulled out behind me and behind Amber's doppleganger. [Amber is L-Word's old car.] And the name Shelby just came to me. ^_^

L-Word came and had lunch with me today.. and SmoothieBoy is about 20 minutes shy of getting off work.. SmoothieBoy and I are planning on going up to Seattle on Monday.

1AM::

SmoothieBoy just drove up.. What a goof ball.

I got my wallet back!! It came in the mail today. It was the weirdest thing ever going through it. My social security card, my driver's permit, my high school ID card, money, pictures of my boyfriend 3 years ago. It was an insane trip down memory lane.

I am Jack's cold-chill induced goosebumps..

Work makes me sad. But coming home to have a grilled cheese sandwich was nice. Comfort food. yuck.

Starting now, I am going to do a weekly weight-loss blog. Maybe I'll start a blog entry on Monday and add to it throughout the week. I need to make this change. I cannot live like this any longer.

I think The Mother and I are going to try to do something like this blog where we each take one picture a day. I'm excited. I really like the blog.

I am Jack's addictive personality..

I love Oreos... By looking at me most people wouldn't find that hard to believe. In fact, my love of oreos and other unhealthy foods is the greater reason I am the way that I currently am. When BioDad and AdoptedDad left, and didn't want me anymore, Oreos comforted me. I sought comfort in food. And it helped me to build padding around me to protect me from the outside world.

I took my Math test today. There were only two problems that I couldn't answer fully. One I got 2/3 answered, the other I started it but couldn't get farther than that. I omitted the latter.

Oh yeah.. Oprah had fat people that lost lots of weight on her show.. *watches*

I have to go to work now. >.< Ugh.. Why me?

I am Jack's fried nerves...

I have something to confess: [I sing while driving. There, I said it. I'm guilty as charged. I love blaring my radio, rolling the windows down, and screaming {sometimes even dancing} along to songs I love.] I'm okay with the fact that people may witness my singing and chuckle. Hell, I laugh my ass off when I see others singing in their cars. After I finish laughing, I crank up the tunes, and join my fellow car-eoke singers. =}

I don't know what it is about work, but I hate work. I am the most depressing person when I'm about to go to work. I'm happy with customers around. I always try and smile and make their days better, while all the while going to the back cursing my life and why I'm so miserable. I wish I could be the bubbly, happy person the customers see all day everyday. But I'm not.

I have to study for my math test that I have in the morning. I've missed all but one of the five lessons we'll be tested on tomorrow. Go me!! I'm pretty sure copying down her notes, and reading through the chapter with the notes will help me study. =} I'm such a slacker =..{

Yay.. An hour later, I'm studied up for my test. Now I'm going to go to sleep so I can rock this test while missing the entire week of class leading up to it. [go me!!]

Goodnight... and Good Luck..



Melodies in my mind::
[1] ..First Day Of My Life by Bright Eyes..
[2] ..Twin Cinema by The New Pornographers.. {skip}
[3] ..Dance, Dance by Fall Out Boy..
[4] ..Talking Like Turnstiles by Death Cab for Cutie..
[5] ..Losing My Religion by REM..
[6] ..Stable Song by Death Cab for Cutie..
[7] ..Pump by The B-52s..
[8] ..{I failed and missed it}
[9] ..The Bleeding Heart Show by The New Pornographers..
[10] ..Build God, Then We'll Talk by Panic! At the Disco..
[11] ..Basket Case by Green Day..
[12] ..Crooked Teeth by Death Cab for Cutie..
[13] ..Good Riddance by Green Day..
[14] ..I Have Friends In Holy Spaces by Panic! At the Disco..
[15] ..Love Shack by The B-52s..
[16] ..The Ice Is Getting Thinner by Death Cab for Cutie..
[17] ..Hate (I Really Don't Like You) by Plain White T's..
[18] ..Talking Bird by Death Cab for Cutie..
[19] ..Mad As Rabbits by Panic! At the Disco..
[20] ..

I am Jack's favored memories..

Every once in awhile, I find something that reminds me of my cousin. The other day, it was a pog. Not the regular pog, but the master pog [I don't remember the exact name of it] that you used to flip the other pogs. I remembered him teaching me the game of pogs. Me with my X-men pogs, I don't remember his pogs because I could never beat him at it. I remember how happy I was when my cousin came to visit. We'd play pogs, go putt-putt golfing, then go to Old Country Buffet or get Papa Murphy's to drink with Root Beer. I miss my cousin. I have a mini-shrine in The POD for him. I keep all of these keepsakes I find in a box in my closet. One day I hope to visit his grave and leave all of our momentos there for him to remember me. In 81 days I will be the same age he was when he died 6 years ago.. <3 I love you Kissopher.

I went for a walk with The Mother tonight. We took Katelyn Fiona. I talked to my mom about my English class. Attempting for an incomplete so I don't f-bomb my GPA.. so I can retake it this summer. And just pretend like I graduated this quarter to the rest of my family... heh.

"How I wish you could see the potential, the potential of you and me. It's like a book elegantly bound but, in a language that you can't read. You've gotta spend some time, Love, you've gotta spend some time with me. I know that you'll find, Love, I will possess your heart. " SmoothieBoy.. that goes out to you.. Though you were the one that introduced me to the song. Maybe one day the stars will align and we will be together as more than friends without it being awkward like L-Word and WolfBoy. For this I wish the most. <3 I will possess your heart, and you... you will possess mine.

Mmmm.. *yawn* Time for beddie-bye.




Melodies in my mind::
[1] ..Cath... by Death Cab for Cutie..
[2] ..Grenade Jumper by Fall Out Boy..
[3] ..Soul Meets Body by Death Cab for Cutie..
[4] ..Here in Your Arms by Hellogoodbye..
[5] ..Twin Cinema by The New Pornographers..
[6] ..Your New Twin Sized Bed by Death Cab for Cutie..
[7] ..Wake Me Up When September Ends by Green Day..
[8] ..Hate (I Really Don't Like You) by Plain White T's..
[9] ..American Idiot by Green Day..
[10] ..I Will Possess Your Heart by Death Cab for Cutie..
[11] ..Build God, Then We'll Talk by Panic! At the Disco..
[12] ..I Will Possess Your Heart by Death Cab for Cutie..
[13] ..

I am Jack's throbbing chest cavity...

"I'm worried about you J"

I've been hearing that a lot lately. So many people have been telling me how depressed I am, and how worried they are. They all tell me that they know I won't do anything to hurt myself, but that it still worries/upsets them that I am so inexplicably unhappy. Honestly, I worry myself, but I won't bring myself to talk to Udono about it. I pull out everything and its mother to cover for the topic I can't bring myself to think about let alone speak about. I haven't the foggiest idea about what's going on. When people tell me they're worried, I smile and tell them all I appreciate their worrying but I'm fine, I'm just having an off day. Whatever I can say to make them go away.

Maybe I should make a happy list too. [Backstory: D-money had Preggo create a "happy list" during one of their sessions with a list of things she liked to do that she could do when she was feeling depressed. She had to do at least one item on the list every day, sometimes more if it was a bad day.] So I should make a happy list.

1. SmoothieBoy
2. L-Word
3. BBQ
4. Camp
5. Write
6. Sing
7. Take Pictures
8. Scrapbook
9. Paint
10. Clean
11. Blog
12. Take a Walk
13. Go to the Gym
14. Rock Out
15. Play With Katelyn Fiona
16. {add more activities here}
    

Look I'm doing at least two of those right now. Blogging and singing along to the melodies in my head [below].

I heart brackets. I really really really really really do. {Side Note: extra "really"s is a SmoothieBoy thing I do...} Brackets just make me really happy. Not to mention they really help me when I'm trying to right stuff because I'm so spacey sometimes I tell 15 different stories at the same time. Brackets help =} and they make great faces.

I'm thinking about dying my hair black again... like this..

but at the same time I'm trying to grow my hair out so I can be natural for the first time in....... 5 years.. =]

I should really work on my Personal Essay for Central.

I'm done being fat. I'm so done. I was looking back at pictures of me 3-5 years ago. I used to think I was fat. I was nothing then compared to what I am now. I need to get back to where I was at before. This attempt to stifle my feelings with food has got to end. I cannot live like this anymore.


Melodies in my mind::
[1] ..Face Down by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus..
[2] ..Graceland by The New Pornographers..
[3] ..Lying is the Most Fun a Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off by Panic! At The Disco..
[4] ..Rock Lobster by The B-52s..
[5] ..Memory by Sugarcult..
[6] ..Unguided by The New Pornographers..
[7] ..I Write Sins Not Tragedies by Panic! At The Disco..
[8] ..Love Shack by The B-52s..
[9] ..Failsafe by The New Pornographers..
[10] ..

Udono & Central

So I just got back to the homestead from seeing Udono. We talked about family drama. Udono just kept bringing up Central. Telling me I needed to get out of this house, out of this family, even if just for the two years of college. I need to get away. Which of course I already know, but it's nice to hear from someone other than my very own Jiminy Cricket.

So I need to write my essay so I can finish up my application.

I'm going to go do my math homework and maybe if I get all of that done I can start on my French.
Je t'aime Paris.

You lost today kid, but that doesn't mean you have to like it...

L-Word spent the night last night.. Preggo came over today.. I took Preggo to her DSHS appointment. She got some information on transitional housing in the area. There is one in Puyallup that sounds like a good option. Hopefully she'll be accepted for one of the four positions opening up there this month. I really believe that this housing would be in her best interest.

I'm trying to figure out what to use to attach this plate to this canvas. The Mother and I need to print off the poem so we can cut the words out poetry magnet style. I can't wait for it to be finished. It's going to be a really cool first installment of the Poem Pieces.

So I called work today and asked for Monday through Friday off for next week. HeadSales had me call back an hour later to see if she could make it work. I got one extra day and we're waiting to see if KareBear can cover my Wednesday and Thursday shifts then I'll have pretty much the whole week off except Saturday and Sunday. I'm really hoping I get them off. The thought of going to work makes me want to cry.

Electric Version

L-word's back to play ROCKBAND.. I'm all rocked out.. not to mention it reminds me of what happened with The Reaper today.. still not sure how I'm feeling about it. I'm more concerned with SmoothieBoy. Unfortunately for me, SmoothieBoy has my heart, even though we could never be together.

$417.75 is the amount of money I need to make in the next 3 paychecks to pay for summer quarter because I'm not going to pass English. I just computed my grade, and even with 100% on everything I have left to turn in, I cannot pass. Maybe I'll just fake it. Pretend to everyone in my family that I passed, then secretly attend classes during summer quarter so that by the time they are asking to see my Diploma in the mail, it'll be a few weeks late. Yikes. I am so sick of my life lately.

Can't I just end it? Answer: No.

I've been immersing myself in art lately. I really like this girl's art. I envy her. The Mother bought me her cute print of a girl and her porcupine selling cupcakes, because of my dream to open a cupcake shoppe. I went to Freddie's and bought a nice black frame to put it in. Now I just need to stab a hole in my wall with a nail to hang it up. I always feel bad stabbing holes into my walls; what if, one day, they bled as I punched yet another hole.

I just took a blog break to help L-word beat "Enter Sandman" on ROCKBAND, which, let me tell you, is a hard feat to pursue when you are tired enough to envision walls bleeding from nail holes. I think I shall get a new frame tomorrow to put my picture of Katelyn Fiona. Aww I found a picture from when she was a baby puppy....:



She was so adorable..

I'm trying to see if SmoothieBoy is going to come over after work. If not, I'll go to bed A LOT sooner. I'm also trying to contemplate whether or not I want to go to math class tomorrow morning. She advertised an in-class project worth bonus points that is sounding quite tempting. I'll probably try to make it. If I can get up. =/ SmoothieBoy's coming over.. which means I have to stay awake for at least another 45 minutes until he gets here. Luckily I have L-word to keep me awake. I don't know if I can make it though. I'm so le tired.

Why am I such a loser...? Answer: I have no clue. This is probably the most depressing blog to read. I get depressed when I'm tired.. Not to mention I'm coming down from my.....::converse::..... high. -.-

A New Beginning

So yesterday, I drove out to Anderson Island to visit my aunt, Preggo. I took a bunch of cool photos while on the ferry. It's so pretty out there. I helped her clean the house, we only got the kitchen and part of the downstairs bathroom done though. There was a lot to do. = [

Today, I skipped class again. Then L-word came over. We went and got some Don's and while we were there SmoothieBoy called and told me he was at my house petting my kitty cat Jackamo. L-word and I hurried home and updated our myspaces with SmoothieBoy. SmoothieBoy left for work, L-word and I went upstairs to the Pit Of Dispair [POD] and played RockBand. Then she left shortly afterwards to go to work. Leaving me to blog.

I cannot wait to tell Udono about my blog. ^_^ I'm worried about passing English this quarter. Seeing as how I have around 200 out of 1000 points with only 300 or so points available for me, if I get 100% on them. Everyone will be so disappointed in me. Not that I haven't been getting used to that. But all of this disappointment is disheartening. Not to mention how hard it brings me down. Knowing that I'll have to take English 102 three times just like English 101. And if I have to take it summer quarter, there goes $300-$400 towards the road trip in August. And if I am taking it over summer quarter, it might mess with the road trip planning.

I'm so excited to get this blog rolling. I've been reading a bunch of other blogs and I decided I would finally jump in. Yay!